Hello Ladies and Gentleman I am Oggle Steambottle your host and armorer of this hidden dwarf fortress and I welcome you to the very first broadcast from the exclusive fight to the death ring known as the Arena of Dismemberment. The Arena was recently founded after fortress management visited the Fortress Arena known only as Splatterface and were so impressed they decided they had to make one of their own.
The Arena of Dismemberment is exclusive, low key, and held in an undisclosed fort but just as brutal and deadly as that which it tries to mimic. Our first bout was held here a mere week ago and it was a fight in which upper management decided no arena worth any honor can start without a champion to be honored, loved, beholden, and hated by the crowd. Thus it was decided a battle royale would commence. 16 fighters entered into our rectangular arena with chasm's dug out all around the outside edge of the ring for an added spice of danger. Our competitors came from all around and it was a bloody fight with highlights such as a Spermwhale man choking to death while beating a monitor lizard man nearly to death. A Grizzly Bear woman writhing in fear allowing her competitors to stab claw and beat her into a pile of gore upon the stone floor without putting up a fight. The biggest highlight though comes from the finale of the battle when an unscathed Roach Woman named Moldath and her Steel Blowgun stood facing down Craftiron a Male Minotaur who had been injured severely in the legs but still trudged it's bloody and battered carcass towards Moldath. Moldath who stood upon the precipice of the chasm with an angry Minotaur baring down lifted her Blowgun and went to town scoring several direct hits in the face, chest and neck of Craftiron. The Minotaur came within inches of his quarry when his body finally gave out and we crowned our first Champion!
"I present to you now the current reigning champion of the Arena of Dismemberment, MOLDATH the Roach Woman!" The crowd roars standing and shouting mostly cheers and a few stray jeers that quickly get drowned out. Out to the arena floor you see a roach standing upon it's hind legs walking around the arena. In one of it's limbs is a steel blowgun and in another is a bronze buckler. She also has some custom fit leather leggings but is otherwise unprotected or adorned. "We are hearing from our reporters that Moldath belongs to a cabal known as the Encroachment, the undying and ever watching. I don't know what this means exactly but she put up one hell of a fight and that's good enough for me!"
There is a brief pause as the sounds of brass instruments begin to play in the anthem for fortress royalty. "I can't believe it ladies and gentleman but it appears we are about to be presented with a visit from good king Qizproteous himself. It appears, yes he is coming out flanked by the royal guard and in his hands is, yep I recognize that item. It is an Adamantine Blowgun crafted by one of the fine weapon makers here at the Arena of Dismemberment. The king is presenting it to the champion who holds it up to the joy and excitement of the crowd." The king and Moldath after a few laps around the arena finally leave and the camera cuts back to show Oggle Steambottle in his stone announcing room.
"Now ladies and gentleman I present to you the rules and the lineup for Season 1 of the Arena of Dismemberment.
- There will be 16 fighters all who have been randomly seeded in this tournament.
- Each fight is a fight to the death, unlike Splatterface there is no timer, the first to fall is the loser and if the winner falls the medical team along with management will figure out how to resolve the issue. Usually a necromancer, a metal worker and medical staff can make the winner good as new
- There is no cleanup between fights. That means unless a change of Arena occurs fighters who survive will fight among the corpses and debris from previous fights.
- Like in Season 1 of Splatterface a victory over your opponent allows the victor to take one item from the corpse of their fallen foe.
- The winner of this tournament will then face our champion in a one on one duel to the death. What special circumstances or additions we may choose to add will be decided by upper management at any time leading up to seconds before the fight begins.
- The starting arena will have the chasm's filled so no fight will have an easy victory from an opponent making a false move.
Now to present our fighters for Season 1 of the Arena of Dismemberment:" a graphic carved in stone is shown on screen with a bracket that has names carved into it
Season 1 Tournament Bracket
"So that means our first fight coming up in the next day or so will be our #1 seed Ipa the Sparrow Woman whose husband is in attendance for this tournament and whose sister, Rifafa also will be fighting in the Arena this season. We are hearing that they joined up to fight over a sibling rivalry, who is the best fighter within their own family. They better watch out because they have more than each other to contend with in this tournament.
Her opponent is Mube the Red Soldier Ant Woman who has made a deal with management here at the Arena of Dismemberment that if she can win this tournament the dwarves will provide aid against their enemies, a tribe of Black ants that threatens her homeland. Interestingly enough a queen of this Black Ant tribe Mistwing will be fighting with us this year, perhaps they will meet later on in the tournament but first she must handle Ipa the Sparrow Woman.
So that is all I have for you today battle fans. The Arena of Dismemberment's first bout will commence very soon so be on the lookout, because the limbs will be flying!"
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